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Independent play has many benefits for kids, but promoting a child's social skills is equally as crucial. If your child won't play with other children, you might wonder why that is, what it means, and when to be concerned. So, why won't your child play with other kids, and how can you encourage them to play with others?
In this article, we'll discuss why some kids struggle to play with others and how to encourage your child to engage in social play using tips like involving them in group activities and practicing friendship skills.
Why Doesn't My Child Play With Others?
Children may tend toward solitary play for a number of different reasons. Reasons a child may be less apt to play with others include but aren't limited to the following.
- Fear or anxiety. Anxiety can affect children just as much as it impacts adults. If a child clings to caregivers, has trouble initiating play with or speaking to other kids, or shows other possible symptoms of social anxiety even though they want to interact, this could be the case.
- Sensory overload. Some children will experience sensory overload in typical social settings, which can affect their desire for social play.
- Preference. For some kids, playing alone is simply a preference. These children will often come around to socializing more frequently later on (though some will maintain an introverted temperament to some degree), and that is okay.
- Social skills. Social or friendship skills may be a factor for kids with trouble making friends or maintaining friendships.
While these causes are common, this list is by no means extensive. Notice your child's behavior and think about what might be the cause for them.
How to Encourage Your Child to Play with Others
Every child will have different social goals, and it is important to acknowledge where your child's at. Taking into consideration factors like a child's age and why they might prefer independent play, you can help your child learn necessary social skills through the following tips. First, let's talk about how Joon can help.
Try Joon To Help
Geared toward kids ages 6-12+ with ADHD and related disorders, Joon is a children's to-do app that doubles as a game. Using Joon can help your child stick to daily routines and activities, including those that involve social play, like after-school clubs or play dates. Here's how it works:
Parents download Joon Parent App first and make a customized "to-do" list for their kids. You can include unlimited tasks, whether homework, chores, getting on the school bus on time, heading to a friend's house, or attending extracurricular activities. Kids connect with a separate app called Joon Pet Game, which you can install on the same device or your child's personal device. Upon finishing tasks, children get rewards that let them care for a virtual pet, called a Doter, and move forward in the game.
Joon is backed by professionals such as child psychologists and occupational therapists. 90% of kids who use Joon finish all their tasks, and users often say the app has improved their parent-child relationship.
Click here to claim your free trial today.
Be a role model
You'd be surprised to find how much modeling social skills casually can help your child. Children pay attention to what their parents do and tend to imitate their behavior. To be a positive role model for your child, have your own friends over or invite relatives to your home. While they're there, demonstrate polite, positive behaviors as you interact.
Especially if there's a specific behavior you'd like to monitor and have your child to learn (saying "please," taking turns, or telling someone it was good to see them before they leave), model it in front of them.
Determine their social interest
First, determine your child's level of social interest. Some kids want help with making friends or will appreciate extra exposure to social activities. Other children are content playing alone and will not care to interact more often. If they have a preference for solitary play, regardless of the reason, pushing them to be more social than they are can make a child feel like who they are is "wrong," which can affect self-esteem and self-perception. As long as children learn the skills they need, preference for alone time is fine.
Encourage parallel play
Parallel play can be ideal for children who tend toward solitary activities but need time around other children. During parallel play, your child and the other child will engage in activities separately in the same space. For example, one may color in a coloring book, and the other may play with blocks.
Involve kids in group activities
Group activities are a great opportunity for learning social skills. Involve kids in activities where they will be around other children and gain exposure to new settings, whether that's a cooking class, art class, sports, group music classes, or something else. Pick something that won't be overly intimidating for your child. You can even let your child choose.
If you have a child who prefers to be alone, an activity that exposes them to other kids, even if they're focused on their own work (like a drawing class) could be ideal.
Arrange play dates
Work with other parents to arrange play dates for your children. Especially if you have younger kids, an ideal scenario may be to befriend other parents who live in your area and supervise your kids together as they play one-on-one or in small groups.
Sometimes, it's best to start with short, time-limited play dates. For example, a playdate could last from 3-4 PM. That way, a child's social battery is less likely to run out (which can manifest in the form of tantrums, crying, etc.). Communicate when they will start and stop playing so that kids know what to expect.
Practice
There are a lot of ways to practice social skills with children. Many parents use a combination of the following modes of social practice, focusing on the specific goals they have for their kids.
Family activities
Family activities are a great opportunity to practice social skills in a safe, less intimidating environment. Especially if your child struggles to exhibit appropriate behavior during social interaction or does not want to play with other kids their age, social activities that involve their own family are an ideal place to start. Family game nights are a perfect example. When you play even a simple game like Candyland or Uno, children learn important skills necessary for cooperative play, like taking turns.
Role-playing
Parents help kids greatly when they role-play friendship skills together, like how to ask another child to play when they're at the playground. If you have younger kids, you can even act out social situations using stuffed animals or other toys. Even if they're resistant to the practice or say they don't care, try it. That way, kids will have the skill once they're ready.
You can keep the role-playing short for kids who aren't interested. Be patient. Parents may say something like, "This way, you'll know what to do if you want to approach someone in the future. You don't have to do it if you don't want to."
Read children's books that teach social skills
Many children learn friendship skills from children's books and TV shows, especially those in preschool or early elementary school years. Read books with your child that address topics relevant to your child, such as those that show an example of a good friend vs. a bad friend, overcoming shyness, teamwork, and so on. Discuss the book together and talk about how different characters feel and other parts of the story that stand out.
Get help if necessary
Talk with your child's pediatrician if you are concerned about your child's social behavior or if there is a possibility that they have a condition worth addressing. Medical and mental health providers can help you determine whether a child needs additional support. If your child is experiencing anxiety symptoms or another concern that impacts their social life, a professional such as a child psychologist can help.
Takeaway
While some children are social butterflies from the get-go, other children tend toward playing alone. A child may refrain from playing with others for many reasons, such as a childhood anxiety disorder, sensory overload, or personal preference and temperament. The reason behind a child's tendency toward solitary play can determine how parents approach it. Adults can teach children how to make friends and expand their social life through fun activities, like role-playing, setting an example, and seeking extra support if needed.
About
Dr. Carrie Jackson, PhD
